life is for living. i think that we shield our kids too much these days. i rode on the back of my dad's bike, and dolan rides in the jeep with the top off all the time. and every once in a while, we get a little close to a gravel truck and we survive it together. it's fun!
also, his grandmother who took care of him for lots of his life can no longer complete a coherent sentence. should i shield him from that? yesterday on the phone she kept wishing him a happy birthday. what she really meant was happy first day of school. was he able to interpret that? yep. and he will be a more sensitive person because he has had this experience.
one thing that you are gravely incorrect about, katie, is that i gave up drinking for dolan. that is wrong wrong wrong, and an extremely presumptuous assumption. not much could be further from the truth, and dolan knows this. i had to do it for myself. that's the way that works. and he needs to understand that, too, because if he finds that he is unable to control himself in that same way later, he already understands that there is a difference between wanting to live, and wanting to live for someone else. it is kinda like the difference between really wanting to grow, and saying what someone else wants to get the heat off.
lots of people seem to think that when you have kids, you are their slaves. this is not the way my generation was raised. this is the new breed, and i think it is because this new breed has for the most part, been taught that the world revolves around them, and that kids are some kind of freakin treasure. well, our generation was about parents helping us understand that the world did NOT revolve around us, and telling us to get off our asses and do something. we were not worshipped just because we were born, and i see more and more of that today. that philosophy is a brat machine.
on the contrary here, as dolan has been making my coffee, literally and metaphorically, since he was six. and the coffee he makes kicks ass. he can also grill a hell of a steak, and has dozens of other restaurant-quality recipes in his repetoire. might he get burned? sure! it's called living, though. who the hell am i to tell him he is too young to try something? maybe he isn't. why do people think that it is acceptable to inflict their fears on their kids? they are not posessions. and they have a right to grow up learning how to be useful, instead of being frightened and catered to.
what a great disservice it does to the next generation to let them think that they are so powerful that they rightfully deprive us of living our lives to the fullest.
frog"swiss family robinson, little house on the prarie, alf"gy
first of all, let me apologize for my statement about you giving up drinking for dolan. obviously, i know there are a lot of factors that go into it, but i remembered you saying once that when you had dolan, you realized you had someone else to take care of who needed you. something along those lines. i'm sorry if i offended you, i just always thought that dolan was a factor in your decision. i apologize.
i'm not talking about shielding your kids. that's not something i think you should do. when my grandfather was in the hospital before he died, we went to visit him (age 9). when my godmother was dying of lung cancer, i held her hand as she died (age 12). these things made me a stronger person. i wholeheartedly agree with dolan's exposure to his grandmother, regardless of her state of mind.
i think i've been kind of misunderstood here. i'm not trying to say we should shield our children from the horrors of the world, from all the dangers that are out there. nor do i think that we need to tiptoe through life, scared of every potential bad thing that can happen. and i DEFINITELY do not think children should be treated like a treasure that the world revolves around. this was not the way i was raised, and if i ever were to have children, i would NEVER treat them as such. nothing makes me angrier than a parent who takes a kid out to a restaurant and lets them run around like they own the fucking place, throw napkins and crayons all over the place, and leave it for someone else to clean up (has this happened to me at work before? you be the judge). i think children need limits and rules as well as freedoms and space. it's a delicate balance, a yin and a yang, and something that all parents need to figure out how to balance with their individual children. i think it's a mistake to limit your children too much but i also think it's a mistake to give them too much freedom.
so what am i saying? don't be stupid. use common sense. good judgement. though all parents eventually die, i think when you have a child, you make a committment to them to take care of them the best you can. they need your strength, your guidance, your wisdom, your mistakes, your flaws, your humanity. yes, life IS for living, but in order to do so, you need to be ALIVE. don't cut it short by being reckless. think steve irwin would trade that swim with the stingray to see his daughter get married? i do. that's all.
