Killer Chimps on the Loose

[NerfHerder]

From http://time.blogs.com/eye_on_science/20 ... mps_o.html:

Marauding, murderous chimpanzees sound like a plot device in a Michael Crichton thriller (he actually did use marauding killer gorillas in Congo), but in this case it's all too real. A pack of chimps escaped from a wildlife preserve in Sierra Leone attacked a group of tourists over the weekend, including several Americans. The apes, which are much stronger than humans, literally ripped a taxi driver into pieces, and sent four others to hospitals, where at least one man had to have a hand amputated. According to local police, 27 of the animals are still at large.

Plenty of Americans and other westerners will undoubtedly be shocked that such cute animals could possibly act this way--but that's because we've been raised on circuses, movies like Bedtime for Bonzo and endless commercials featuring adorable chimpanzees (for a comprehensive listing of thespian primates, visit Mr. Monkey's Index of Famous Monkeys). But theatrical chimps are inevitably youngsters; as they get old, they get very nasty--and when they get the chance to attack humans, they often do. Last year, for example, a man was assaulted by chimps that escaped from captivity at a chimp sanctuary in California, losing several body parts you really wouldn't want to be without.(The man and his wife were there to visit their own former pet chimp, who'd been sent to the sanctuary after biting off a woman's finger.)

The bottom line: chimpanzees may be our nearest evolutionary relatives, but they can be dangerous creatures with very nasty dispositions--even if they do look incredibly cute riding a tricycle wearing a bow tie and top hat.

[Rebecca]

[ree-ree]

Never trust a chimp.
(It's payback time for all demeaning costumes and stunts they've been forced to participate in: WE ARE NOT CUTE WE ARE KILLERS!)

[Irock]

The bottom line: chimpanzees may be our nearest evolutionary relatives, but they can be dangerous creatures with very nasty dispositions--even if they do look incredibly cute riding a tricycle wearing a bow tie and top hat.

I read that and though, "but?" Shouldn't it say, "therefore...?"

[mr_j]

why are you people acting all surprised? after all...




YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!!

or, to capture it in parody form:



mister 'i hate every ape i see, from chimpan-a to chimpanzee, no you'll never make a monkey out of me....oh my god! i was wrong! it was Earth all along! so you finally made a monkey (yes we finally made a monkey) yes you finally made..a...monkey...out...of...meeee!!!!!" joseph

[ChrisLovesYou]

It has begun.

[froggorino]

DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!!

oooooooooooooooh! you said god damn!