Forkers Central

I recently became ordained with the Universal Life Church, only to find that the church is not recognized by the fascist government of my home province of Ontario. My Korean reading isn't that strong yet, so I don't know if it counts here, either. Am I eligible for some sort of refund?

um and why did you do that anyway?

My reasoning is tri-fold.

1) I'd like to get paid to stand on an elevated platform and talk about stuff, not unlike Henry Rollins. Other than being/becoming Henry Rollins, the only ways I can think of accomplishing this are by becoming a stand-up comedian or a minister.

2) I've always wanted to have some sort of title. Since there's no system by which I can claim to be a viscount in Canada, I knew there had to be a better way.

3) Plus, since all the Beatles are already ordained, I figured it would strengthen my claim to be their fifth.

The fact that I could perform weddings, funerals and other solemn rites-of-passage were what really sold me, though, and that's why I'm looking for some sort of refund, though I haven't actually paid any money.

Just because the ceremonies don't have any legal binding doesn't reduce the awesomeness of having an ordained minister do what he does.

In fact, the non-binding thing means everyone will want to do it. NO CONSEQUENCES WOOOOOOOOOO!

i'm ordained in universal life too, and at first i was wondering why you paid money (unless you got a title upgrade, which i'm very tempted to do).

sucks to be you though -- at least here we can take advantage of clergy parking and i even did an "anger management" course for a friend as part of her probation.

i think you're going to have to move.

clergy parking

WTF?!

You mean at churches or hospitals?

- Mere "sorry, Sister, I'm here on God's business" 1975

so what's up with canada's lack of religious freedom?

clergy parking

WTF?!

You mean at churches or hospitals?

yup. i got a parking placard thing, so when i went to visit my friend at the hospital when he had a collapsed lung, i didn't have to park in bfe. there's also press credentials, but i haven't tried those out...

So - but - what if - you know - like - a um - actual priest had to park in bfe?

i "suck it padre, you're reward's in heaven, remember?" rock

So - but - what if - you know - like - a um - actual priest had to park in bfe?

i "suck it padre, you're reward's in heaven, remember?" rock

Sucks for the person that waited for last rites.

"Sorry I missed it. I had to park in BFE. Some asshat parked in my spot."

Not that you're an asshat, Tracy. I would never say such a thing about a person of the cloth.

So - but - what if - you know - like - a um - actual priest had to park in bfe?

i "suck it padre, you're reward's in heaven, remember?" rock

there seemed to be a lot of clergy parking, at least in austin when i used my pass thingy. besides, jeff really needed us to get there quickly....or maybe not.

ok, i guess i'm an asshat...

there's also press credentials, but i haven't tried those out...

Oh fuck, they're like a skeleton key or a backstage pass to life. Treasure them.

I was going to get the press credentials but I can't imagine being stopped by some security dude, showing him my papers and having him go, "Huh? The Universal Life Press? Go right ahead, sir!"

And I'm not going to order a title until the church allows 'Motherfucker Superior'.