"Oh Noes, I Have A Wasporz In My Roooooom! (HELP!)"

[NerfHerder]

Pff. Please, sista.

We had a mothafuckin' bat all up in this hizzy.

Here now is the tale of the bat and how it came to be vanquished out of the land in which it attempted to conquer.

OR

How everybody in the world got rabies (part 1)

The time: 3:00 AM (technically Tuesday)
Location: My bedroom
Doings: Talking about: things.

It was late. Out of the corner of my eye, my floundering eyelids caught a fleeting glimpse of a flutter. A rather large bug, I suspect, is cating a nasty shadow upon my wall. But no!

"I am no mere shadow," said the shadow, "I am a bat," finished the bat.

"What are you doing here?" My curiosity was unlike his. Mine, in defensive status as this animal had obviously entered my domicile without my express written consent and was therefore cunning enough to disobey my latent will.

"I'm just fuckin' shit up, old school," the bat said as it continued to flutter about the top of the room. After several swoops, the bat happened to leave the room and enter that of my roommate.

"Oh shits" were distributed equally throughout the party of three housemates.

"What do we do with a bat in our house?"

"How do we get it out?"

"Well how did it get in?"

"The bathroom window doesn't have a screen..."

"What do you mean?"

"But, like, it's open because of...like ventilation."

The Bat lured itself downstairs. This was the beginning of the end for the mighty bat.

With The Bat downstairs, my roommates and I garbed ourselves in our finest war clothes. Even though it 90 degrees here, in long sleeved attire did we march. Some of us with buckets and brooms, others with foam #1 fingers and laundry baskets, we herded the beast in cirlces until, again, it charged back upstairs.

My curly-haired roommate then opened the front door(s) and we waited. I in one doorway, the curly-haired one holding the door open and the long-haired fella in the other doorway. The lines were set. Battle only had to commence...

AND THEN THE BAT CAME AT US. Each of us swatting like mad, the foam finger made contact with the bat in the right wing. The long-haired one guarding the other door made a valiant effort with the broom that shan't be forgotton by the legions of future broom fighters who have much to learn. His parries and jabs will not go forgotton by the makers of the statue in this realm.

Knowing its doom was at hand as soon as it made the smallest mistake, the bat knew it was fighting a losing battle. It decided that this would be better if it were to end in a draw. The Bat then immediately headed toward the open door and freedom. We were glad to be gone of it. And it was glad to have survived against the nightiest the humans have to offer.

[sam]

So when I was in school, once up at studio a bat got caught indoors. Most of us were amused for a few minutes and then went back to hot glue-ing, etc. One odd fellow hunted it down with a borrowed tennis racket, slayed the creature, and pinned it to the wall in his work area. We all thought it was a bit disturbing and were glad when one of the professors asked him to take it down and throw it away.

[Brightside]

Bats are a protected species over here, you'd get into trouble for killing one! In fact, you can't even handle them without a licence.

(here ends today's boring UK factoid)

[Steveums]

When we eat outside in the summer, the bats start flying round the house at dusk, getting all the insects.

You should totally have bought a bat box and put newspaper under it and had the coolest dorm pet ever.

[froggorino]

we are building a bat nest in the back yard because they eat insects, and living kinda in the woods, we get lots of bugs in the back yard. plus, bats are just rad.

frog"hope some come and live there!"gy

ps - nice composition.
pps -- get screens, ghetto.

[Rishikesh]

Maybe next time you guys ought not to be such pussies and just live with it. After all, you are "men."

I know who the curly haired one is.

[NerfHerder]

I'm glad you said that because I just cleared a few bats out of all the caves in North America and told them to go hang out at your place. I told them you love flying rodents who carry disease and shit over everything.

Enjoy your rabies.

Chris Yonker fun fact: my best friend's uncle contracted rabies from handling bats and died in the early 1990s. He was the first person to do so in around 15 years.

[Rishikesh]

I told them you love flying rodents who carry disease and shit over everything.

Enjoy your rabies.

I do and I will. They're actually quite cute.

[NerfHerder]

Cuddly.

[squeezle]

I love bats!!!!

[Rishikesh]

They're like tiny kittens with wings.

[KathrynTheGreat]

Enjoy your rabies.

Haven't you heard? All the cool kids have foamy mouths. Get with the program, loser.

[pipit]

we have a bat detector whcih clicks everytime there are bats around so you can tell where the bats are. We have loads of bats in the garden- be glad you don't live near a church because there would be loads of bats there. at church sometimes there would be bats flying around during the service or birds but the bats make everybody more scared.

[mere1975]

I love bats!!!!

If you love them so much, why don't you ge a tattoo of one, huh?

Never mind.

- Mere "so a bunch of you have bats, but do any of you have a belfry?" 1975

[Phyllis]

yeah well we had a fucking owl in our house once. they're way creepier than bats. and don't make fun of me, pussy.