Forkers Central

except replace troll internet with 'play the sims 2 obsessively'

My Sims can beat up your Sims.










...Oh who am I kidding. My Sims are such cowards. They'd probably just invite you over for a light lunch and then make polite conversation while playing chess.

My summer:

Sleep.
Watch television.
Troll internet.
Eat.
Watch more television.
Stab self.
Watch even more television.

Lucky productive bastards.

What next -- a bracelet that can slice, dice, and jumpstart your car?

I was hoping that this administration's cycle of loyalty over competency had finally been broken. After learning that Barney, otherwise known as the "First Dog," had been nominated to replace Rove as Deputy Chief of Staff, however, my worst fears were confirmed.

Stop repeating yourself, hifi.

Stop repeating yourself, hifi.

I'm not surprised. Rumors have been flying for years. Supposedly the rift between Farley and Snoopy had escalated from a friendly cartoon rivalry into full on comic strip warfare. Word is on the street that Farley had threatened to "bust a cap up Universal Press Syndicate's collective ass"...

Someone really didn't want to eat their vegetables.

"Groping for his glasses, Harry tried to recall the series of events that had taken place the night before. Yet all he could remember was some hideously ugly witch offering to buy him a drink at the local pub. The room, having come into focus, looked unfamiliar. Rolling over in bed he was shock...

For those of you who care: ZOMG BOOK SEVEN.

For those of you who do not: screw you, man.

Speaking of screwing, Ron and Hermione and totally going to get it on.

Cue Barry White.

"Shortly after this photograph was taken, Mr. Xishun mistook He Pingping for a snack, to the sadness of many."

R.I.P. Pingping ;(

Who cares about potentially deadly international health crises? What I want to know is how will this impact the future of eggrolls, and what can I, the average citizen, do to help?

Please, think of the sweet and sour sauce.

"Bush's erects..."

"...probe into..."

Clay Aiken


Coincidence? I think not.

I have low self-esteem.